i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
