Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
