I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
zippers are such a cool invention
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
