My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
