here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
