That's when you crack a 10am beer
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
