im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
