idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
grandma shit on top of the toilet
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
