i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
