So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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