Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
