I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pants are for mortals
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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