Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
