I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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