The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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