Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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