I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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