I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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