I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
