Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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