Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
