Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
