I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
