Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
