Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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