I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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