So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
