Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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