How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
