So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
