last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
