never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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