Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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