Don't make out with my wife yet
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
