they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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