Having a random hookup so left but love u
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
