Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my being single is dangerous.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
