I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
