I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
