Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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