I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
