I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think your dad took our porno
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
