When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
