Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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