Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
