I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
