Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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