glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
