Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
