I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
