omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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