good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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