ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
