Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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