Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
