you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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