so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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