You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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