His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
