party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
