i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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