Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
