What a fucking waste of an outfit
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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