I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
