I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
