Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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