I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
