The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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