the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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