its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
