This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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