Please, let me fuck your mom
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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