ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
