just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
