I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
