omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
